Facing Fears

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Posted 10 Aug 2010 in Family, GCM, Illini Life, Jesus, Ministry, News, Spirituality

Amy and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary this past weekend. It was a time to look back and be reminded of the sweetness of our marriage and the good gift God has given me in a dear wife. Not to be all gushy and all – well actually yeah that’s what I had intended ๐Ÿ˜›

That set the stage for me leaving on the first support raising trip without her. Most of the next weeks and months will be this way. I’ll be in the Chicago suburbs raising support while she’s in Champaign working in the schools and seeing each other for a short weekend each week.

I can feel a sense of urgency to finish support raising as quick as possible, it is stronger, almost new. Certainly God provides in His time and I’ll be doing this until He tells me otherwise, but nonetheless my heart speeds and my pace quickens.

“Just drove away from Champaign without my wife, one of the hardest things I’ve had to do so far while raising support. 9:50 AM Aug 9th via Twitter”

The hard thing about leaving has less to do with separating from her – that’s tough for sure – it’s the not knowing for how long. How many weeks will we be following this routine, how many more times will I drive away from our house watching her eyes fight back tears as mine do the same?

As I prayed through all this, it became evident to me the urgency, the questions, the worrying were all rooted in the fear I was feeling. I haven’t had to be alone for the past year, I’ve had a companion. As I pull away for the week, I’m alone again: me, my thoughts and my work. Lucky for me I follow a God who meets us in that place of alone.


  1. Amy

    Thanks for the post, hon. You hit the nail on the head with the following statement.

    “The hard thing about leaving has less to do with separating from her โ€“ thatโ€™s tough for sure โ€“ itโ€™s the not knowing for how long.”

    It hit me hard that first day and I couldn’t figure out why because you hadn’t even been gone 6 hours, but it was because I knew it could be like this for awhile. I love you and am praying for your time up North. Looking forward to this Friday.

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